wrigley field is MILF paradise
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
