If that was your dad, he is hot
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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