I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
