It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
