I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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