Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
