where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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