Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
