Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have post one night stand depression
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize