the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
