Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This baby is an asshole
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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