Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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