You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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