Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
