Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i will never coherently bang her
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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