you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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