One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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