Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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