i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
