It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
