Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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