Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Text me some of your sweat
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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