capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
