Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
