I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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