Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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