Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
