woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize