I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
