At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
