I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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