No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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