Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
