I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
