You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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