Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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