If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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