I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
