I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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