she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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