Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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