If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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