I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
