She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
