singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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