I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
