My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
