Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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