why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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