I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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