We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Mom said you looked used
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
