Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
