I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
