If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
