Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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