yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
