Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize