So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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