Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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