i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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