people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
