A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
