I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
