You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
