I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
