I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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