my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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