talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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