he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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