I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
