Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
