Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
