I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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