dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize