38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
