I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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