had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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