I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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