I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
