Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
