Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
