If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
