Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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