Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
