So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
