I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
