I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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