Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
