Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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