My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
