We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize