oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
