hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
