that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
