I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize