i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
