So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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