Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
