You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
