This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
