The best revenge is premature balding
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize