Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
