tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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