I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
